12 Black Friday Deals That Are So Amazing You Need To Start Emotionally Preparing Now

November 17, 2017

It may not be Thanksgiving just yet, but fuck it. Really, the most wonderful time of the year is upon us. The Starbucks peppermint mocha is out of retirement, and I’m ready for absolutely everything to smell like pine needles. I’ve already started playing Mariah Carey’s only relevant iconic Christmas album on repeat, and most importantly, I’m ready to blow my hard(ly)-earned money on gifts for myself the important people…

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This Year’s Met Gala Theme Is Truly Puzzling

November 17, 2017

The Metropolitan Museum of Art should make you think of two things and two things only: Serena and Blair eating lunch aka sharing a single serving of yogurt on the steps, and the Met Gala. Everything else, including most of the art, is just playing a supporting role. If you know less about fashion than Anne Hathaway in  , then 1) go Google “cerulean” and 2) the Met Gala is…

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I’m Calling Bullshit On This ‘Sex And The City’ Writer’s Defense Of Carrie’s Spending Habits

November 16, 2017

You might not even realize it, but your entire approach to sex and dating was probably influenced by. That’s partly because it was such a cultural phenomenon, of course, but also because the characters’ thoughts and actions were pretty grounded in reality, albeit in outsized, simplified caricatures. One thing that wasn’t realistic, though? Carrie’s spending. It was never really addressed in the show, but it was kind of a running…

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What Your Wedding Bouquet Flowers Say About How Basic You Are

November 16, 2017

Are you a basic bitch getting married soon? Are you trying to figure out the perfect flower combinations for your super special day? If you want your flower arrangements to say “celebration” and not “swirling torrent of grief,” read on. Yah, flowers have meaning. Just like make believe horoscopes, gem stones, and other useless shit, the difference between having hydrangeas in your bouquet and having roses is big if you…

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The Top 10 Celebrities We Love To Hate And Why We Hate Them

November 12, 2017

If you’ve ever felt bad about yourself for literally any reason at all, just remember that you’re actually pretty lucky in this life. No, I’m not necessarily talking about the fact that you basically always have access to wifi and cheap wine. I’m talking about the fact that you’re not a celebrity that everyone hates. Sure, their lives are realistically probably nine million times better than yours, but they have…

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The Top 8 Breakfasts That Will Help You Get Skinny

November 11, 2017

We all know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day (fucking duh) and that goes double for those trying to lose three pounds. Honestly tho, eating breakfast jump starts your tired metabolism and gets things fucking going so that you have the energy to shop online do actual work—at least until 2pm. Plus, if you do eat breakfast, you’ll be less likely to inhale an entire pizza at…

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These Are The Workouts The Victoria’s Secret Angels Swear By

November 11, 2017

Love them or (pretend to) hate them, the Victoria’s Secret Angels work their asses off all year-round to strut their bodies down the runway on national TV every November. I mean, in an ideal world, all bodies would be considered beautiful we’d all look like Victoria’s Secret models, but then again, we’d also be spending our time shopping for de-bloat supplements and snacking on four and a half unsalted cashews….

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4 Everyday Activities That Are Secretly Ruining Your Skin

November 11, 2017

It’s Monday and I’ve spent the past 48 hours finding new and fun ways to trigger myself in the future. First, by the entire Halloween holiday and then by ingesting some sort of vodka party punch that went down like gasoline and was definitely crafted somewhere in the pits of hell. To to top it off, I’m feeling personally victimized by my local bodega owner who said he “ran out…

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CoverGirl Changed Its Slogan Behind Our Backs & Nothing From Childhood Is Sacred

November 8, 2017

If you didn’t spend approximately half of middle school practicing CoverGirl commercials and perfecting a fun and flirty delivery of their slogan “Easy, Breezy, Beautiful…CoverGirl” then you need to take a couple of vacation days and watch the entire series. You’ll thank me after. Sadly, new generations of reality TV models will be smizing a new phrase into the camera in hopes of doing one cover and then fading into obscurity….

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Here Are Your Weekend Horoscopes For October 6-8th

November 4, 2017

It’s Friday, and you know what that means: It’s the freakin’ weekend. But how should you spend the weekend? Should you spend it sippin’ on Coke and rum, screaming “so what I’m drunk” to anyone who dares question you? Should you spend it asleep? Read your weekend horoscope to find out, and then get drunk anyway because we know that’s what you’re gonna do no matter what the stars say. …

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The Right Way To Order Wine At A Restaurant

November 3, 2017

Recently I’ve been reading a lot of articles on how to order from a restaurant wine list like a pro, because I clearly will do anything to avoid doing any actual work at my place of work. But if there’s anything I’ve learned from reading these blatant and offensive lies articles, it’s that they literally know shit about ordering wine. Now, I’m no sommelier, but I do drink wine like…

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5 Irrational Things You’re Triggered By

November 1, 2017

For the past two years or so, crusty old white men and Tomi Lahren wannabes have been bitching at millennials for being “triggered” by literally everything. At first, we were all low-key offended that people were annoyed at us for reacting to shitty things, until we remembered that complaining is one of life’s greatest pleasures. Honestly, I believe everyone should allow everything to trigger them, because bitching is fun and…

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Here Are Your Weekly Horoscopes For October 23rd-29th

November 1, 2017

Halloween might be more than a week away, but that doesn’t mean things are about to get spooky scary in your horoscope this week. Yikes. The Sun moves into Scorpio meaning changes, because, well, every time the Sun enters a new sign, it kinda shakes shit up. Opportunities that arise this week might open even more doors for you in 2018. Let’s just hope there’s not some sort of fucked-up…

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Everyone Is Obsessed With This Personality Test & We Broke Down What It Means

October 31, 2017

If Buzzfeed’s financial success and our slavish devotion intellectual fascination with horoscopes have taught us anything, it’s that we really fucking enjoy learning new ways to frame upcoming conversations about ourselves. I’m def not saying it’s a bad thing to self-identify as a narcissist (hi)—in fact, I argue it’s even kind of necessary for our time, what with the ongoing cage match of Man-Baby v. North Korea, or that fun…

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The 11 Garbage People You Meet At Every Halloween Party

October 31, 2017

Halloween is Tuesday, which means that all of your Halloween party-going is happening this week and reaching a crescendo this weekend. Don’t ask me why we treat Halloween like other holidays where you HAVE to have the party before the actual date, them’s just the rules. Fuck you in advance for giving me side-eye for showing up to your November 4th party in my Boba Fett costume. Shit was expensive….

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5 Bridesmaid Etiquette Rules Everybody Needs To Know

October 30, 2017

If you’ve been HONORED by being asked to act as a bridesmaid for your bestie’s big day, there are some ground rules. Etiquette kind of sucks, but better you be in the know about what’s expected of you, rather than show up drunk the day of not having attended or thrown any party, gotten a gift, or sent congratulations cards. We recently stumbled upon this post from Refinery29 about a…

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Bella Thorne Needs An Adult

October 30, 2017

Of all the professional trash bags in Hollywood, I’ve got to say, Bella Thorne is probably my favorite. Not my favorite in the sense that I actually like her or am a fan of her work (what work?), but my favorite in the sense that she provides me with never-ending material with which to hate on her in a public forum such as this. From her general existence to her…

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Cheryl Blossom’s 6 Most Savage Moments In Time For ‘Riverdale’ Season 2

October 27, 2017

The night we’ve all been waiting for has finally arrived: the premiere of season two. A lot happened on the first season, and because I don’t have the time, energy, or memory span to recap it all, I’ll kindly direct you to our list of the most insane moments from season one. We’ve also covered why Archie is the worst, but what about the best character on ? That’s easy….

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5 Hilarious Podcasts That Will Make Your Commute So Much Better

October 23, 2017

Whether you have a long and shitty commute, don’t know what to do with your time after work, or are just trying to pretend you have friends, you should start listening to podcasts. There are about a million of them out there, full of everything from serial killer mysteries to recaps (hi) to bitches sitting around drinking wine and discussing deep shit (hi again). Regardless of what you’re into (we don’t…

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What ‘Law & Order: SVU’ Detective You Are Based On Your Horoscope

October 20, 2017

I’ve been around the block on this website a few times, and I’ve noticed that if there are two things you bitches love, it’s horoscopes and. I count myself firmly in this camp, BTW. I’m not going to act like I’m above either of those things. So I thought to myself, “Why not combine the two things betches hold most dear, into one completely nonsensical accurate horoscope?” And that’s exactly…

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How To Dress Like A Celebrity For Less Than Half The Price

October 19, 2017

Unfortunately, not all of us can be a Kardashian talentless-yet-somehow-insanely-rich celeb. As much as we’d like to list “v experienced Instagram private investigator” on our resumes, that under-appreciated talent won’t pay for our Stuart Weitzman thigh-highs obsession. We’d like to call ourselves bad and boujee, but in all seriousness, we’re bad and boujee betches who still drunkenly eat cold pizza and buy last-minute outfits at Forever21 to save money for…

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This is How Much The Friends Apartments Would Cost Today

October 19, 2017

Everything I’ve learned in life, I learned from . No, not my core group of Comm-majoring-drunk on-a-Wednesday-afternoon-losers—I’m talking about the six greatest people you will ever meet on the single greatest sitcom you will ever see (except for Ross and don’t @ me on that). Like, I’d never survive my 20s had I not learned that counting Mississippily when spray tanning results in borderline blackface, “meat sweats” are a legit…

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3 Terrifying Pieces Of Anti-Woman Legislation You Need To Know About Right Now

October 19, 2017

When I mention your body’s biggest enemy, you probably have something that came immediately to mind: your thighs, your arms, the pimple you got from dropping kettle corn into your mouth/all over your face so you could eat without sitting up for normal adult reasons. Or maybe you thought of the parade of fuckboys last few bros you banged who confirmed for you that some people just weren’t built to interact…

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How To Be The Single Friend Without Being Pathetic And Annoying

October 11, 2017

I’d like to be upfront about a couple things here: 1) I am (fairly recently) un-single and 2) I was possibly the least cool single person who’s ever existed. So while I still regularly indulge in occasionally miss the 48-hour Netflix binges and bong rips, I definitely don’t miss the obsessing, the drunk texting exes, and the generally insane amount of energy I put into every tiny interaction with whatever guy…

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The 8 Most Important Features On The iPhone X You Need To Know About

October 11, 2017

On Tuesday, Apple had their annual event where they talk a lot about how they’re the most amazing company ever, and then they unveil a new iPhone that makes the tech world collectively jizz their pants. This year didn’t disappoint. After they spent like 30 minutes talking about how their stores are actually called “town squares” now (barf), they got to the goods: the iPhone X. And it’s beautiful. Here’s…

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5 Oversize Sweaters You Can Wear Without Pants This Winter

October 11, 2017

We’re in full swing of every thot’s fave time of year, aka fall. With October upon us, the temperatures are getting colder faster than we can say PSL. In addition to the little black boot, sweaters are like, the best trend fall fashion has to offer. There’s nothing better than nursing your hangover, running errands, or even meeting your posse at the bar while wearing the world’s comfiest oversize sweater—with…

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