Netflixs Bright Is a $90 Million Steaming Pile of Orc Sh*t

Bright is a misnomer on two levels. First of all, the majority of Netflixs new $90 million original movie takes place at night and in fairly dingy rooms, and that, in combination with how the whole production is lit, means that most of the action is obscured and visually unintelligible. Secondly, theres nothing about this movie thats an inherently good ideaor rather, very generously speaking, maybe the story could have made some valid points about the state of race relations in America with a little more thought. But as things stand, Bright plays like the kind of movie a kid might make up (And then this happens! And then this happens!) if they were given a very rough overview of American history and then told to write a script about it. Its almost worse that thats not the casescratch that, it is worsebut well get to that.

Directed by David Ayer (Suicide Squad) and written by Max Landis (Victor Frankenstein), Netflixs new original movie is perpetually surprising in how off the rails it goes in terms of intent versus execution while also managing to be entirely predictable. Of course theres a prophecy. Of course nobodys actually going to die. Of course theres a sequel set-up. On and on, theres nothing particularly surprising about this movie, and the drab plot and visuals only make the storytelling missteps harder to ignore.

Set in present-day Los Angeles, Bright posits a world where orcs, elves, and humans (and centaurs, though I only saw one) have co-existed for thousands of years. Of course there are tensions between the races due to old conflicts that have never really been worked out. When LAPD officer Ward (Will Smith) is paired with the nations first orc officer, Jakoby (Joel Edgerton, unrecognizable under a mountain of prosthetics), tensions naturally ensue. So, orcs are perceived as thugs, elves are the one percenttheres an entire elven districtand humans are, I guess, somewhere in between. Its an idea that makes sense in, say, a freshman creative writing class, but not one that even remotely begins to work in this context.

The fact that orcsa breed of monster that are generally known for brutishness and being both villains and cannon fodder in The Lord of the Ringsare essentially meant to take the place of African Americans in Brights attempt at unpacking race relations is a huge problem on its own, and begs even more questions in terms of what Landis was trying to do when actual race-relation problems still seem to exist in this fantasy-L.A.

In one scene, Will Smith snaps at his black neighbors, telling them to keep doing all your gangster stuff, suggesting that their presence is making it difficult to sell his house. Then theres the Latinx gang, headed by Enrique Murciano sporting the nickname Poison and a face full of tattoos, who form the only other contingent of actual people of color in the entire movie. As a bunch of stereotypes thrown in with other stereotypesgiven the way the orcs dress pretty much exactly the same as they dowhere are they meant to fit in? Its impossible that theyre nonexistent. At one point, a cop responds to an orcs complaint about discrimination by telling him not to complain: Mexicans still get shit for the Alamo.

This is also a problem in that the other fantasy races are a non-presence. Theres no look into the lives of elves, or centaurs, or fairies (one of whom Ward kills in the movies bafflingly tone-deaf first scene as he declares, Fairy lives dont matter today), to the point that I almost couldnt help but wonder if working fantasy species into this story wasnt just an excuse to not have to deal with any real politics and try to come off as progressive or edgy as a result, or a sort of cover-up to disguise the fact that this is a movie about racial discrimination and struggle written by a privileged white man (the son of John Landis) lacking any grasp of race relations.

Apart from Smith and Edgerton, each of the other characters have about five lines apiece, including big bad Leilah (Noomi Rapace, who has the mixed blessing of being the only cool character in a movie this dismal), MacGuffin Tikka (Lucy Fry), and Edgar Ramrez as an elf federal officer. Given the caliber of the dialogue they do get, maybe thats for the best. All of the dialogueand all of the musicseems to have been stolen from a second-rate video game. Its enough to suck the life out of the usually-charming Smith; Edgerton is the only one in the cast who still seems to be really trying, which works in that you cant help but feel sorry for him as he continues to leap through hoop after hoop, his earnestness so clearly placing him in an entirely different movie.

The jokes that pepper the script are dreadfully unfunny, then again this is a movie where Will Smith mows down a row of racist (fantasy-racist?) cops to the Bastille power ballad World Gone Mad, right as the lyrics you dont wanna fuck with us are sung.

Despite all of this, Netflix has already greenlit a sequel. Hopefully, though, that announcement wont act as your barometer. Bright is an unforgivable mess, and not in a way thats fun to watch. If youre home for the holidays and looking through Netflix for something bad-good to watch, do yourself a favor and pick something else. Maybe Pottersville. Life is too short to spend on a movie like this.

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