Just Try And Be Chill: Your Weekend Horoscopes July 28-30

Well, here we are again. The weekend. Is it going to be a rager, or are you going to stay inside eating your weight in calories and binge-watching GLOW? Both options sound pretty good, TBH. How is one to decide? Ask the stars, duh. This week we have consulted Google the stars to bring you the best possible weekend horoscope, so you can make the most of the 48 hours in between going back to work. If anybody questions your decision making this weekend cut them out of your life kindly explain to them that you’re fulfilling your cosmic destiny. They’ll totally understand. 

Aries

Work got you down, Aries? Welcome to the rest of your life. Just kidding, thats what losers say. We settle for nothing less than the best, so if youre job isnt that then its time to move the fuck on. This isnt going to be an easy task, unless your dad is a CEO looking to hand out some careers. Youre going to have to put in some real work to get where you want to be, but itll be worth it once youre working in your chic mid-century industrial loft just like every CW show told you that you would. Get a head start on your new life this weekend by scouring job posting sites. If it makes you feel better, treat yourself afterwards with an upgraded wardrobe for your upgraded life.

Taurus

After two straight weekends of overhauling your life, youve earned a break, Taurus. Change is exhausting, more so when its directed entirely at yourself. This weekend, live by one motto: treat yoself. Spa treatment? Check. New wardrobe? Check. An extra fatty brunch? Double fucking check. Whatever you need to do to wind down, book it now. Relish in the luxury today, because after this weekend its back to the real world.

Gemini

Youve been working hard, Gemini, and despite what youve been starting to think, its not going unnoticed. This weekend youll finally get some of that much-deserved recognition youve been craving, and there is no shame in basking in it. Hopefully, youre someone who is good at accepting compliments, because theyre about to start flooding in. If not, now is the perfect time to get some practice in. Just smile nod graciously, and let everyone gush about how awesome you are.

Cancer

As is typical for month long celebrations, the past couple weeks have likely wrecked your bank account, Cancer. Dont worry, it was totally worth it. However, unless you want to be stuck eating rice and beans for the next couple months, its time to cool off for a bit. This weekend, ignore the siren call of happy hours that turn into late night affairs. Youll be horrified by how much money you save, to the point that youll start imagining how rich youd be if you had no friends at all. A couple weekends of this kind of behavior should put you right back on track.

Leo

Have you been thinking about making a change lately, Leo? Of course you have, because your horoscope says so. Use this as the ultimate sign that its time to capitalize on that change. Use this weekend to get your thoughts organized and to start putting things in motion. Moving to a new city? Start looking at places to live. Redecorating your home? Get that Pinterest board ready. Trying to make new friends? Reach out to acquaintances that could introduce you to a new group. Whatever it takes, start moving while the motivation lasts.

Virgo

When life throws you lemons, make something that involves lemons and alcohol. Well this weekend, Virgo, life will be throwing you lots of lemons. A citrus basket, if you will. The good news is you wont be getting scurvy anytime soon. The bad? Youre gonna have a stressful couple of weeks. Take some time over the next few days to step back and take stock of your life. Odds are, this is a push in the right direction. A wildly inconvenient one, but a push nonetheless. Once you accept that, things will get easier. Even easier after you have a couple of those lemon/alcohol concoctions.

Libra

Its time to get shit done, Libra. There are literal months worth of projects piling up at home, and this weekend is the time to actually tackle them. Break out your craft box and get to work, because summer waits for no DIY. Celebrate at the end of your journey by hosting a party to catch up with friends show off what an amazing job you did. Feeling accomplished is one thing, but nothing is quite as satisfying as the envious compliments of your closest friends.

Scorpio

So you may have lost your chill earlier this week, Scorpio. Its cool. It happens. People have come to expect it from you. But now that youve collected yourself, it may be time for some damage control. Odds are you have at least one sensitive friend (unfortunately), and thats probably a good place to start if youre worried that you set some people off. Take her to coffee, let her get weepy, and then let her know that any combination of PMS/stress/existential crisis was responsible for your momentary breakdown. Odds are she only wants to hear you pretend to apologize before moving on. If it takes more than that, a bottle of wine never hurt a wounded friendship.

Sagittarius

We get it, Sagittarius, your last relationship sucked. You know, your mom knows, your friends and the bartender at your local dive know. Well guess what? Its time to move on. Use this weekend to both literally and metaphorically rid yourself of any unnecessary baggage that may have built up over the last couple months. Buy some moisturizer, get rid of some of the unnecessary people in your life, and bask in that summer sun. Nothing soothes a broken heart like a perfect tan, right?

Capricorn

Putting yourself out there is hard, Capricorn, but its not harder than being alone. This weekend, the opportunity to open up to someone will present itself, and youd be wrong to ignore it. Sure, it may be easier to brush things off than address actual emotions, but these things cant be avoided forever. Make your lifelong therapist proud and show off your high emotional intelligence this weekend. Who knows, it could actually work out for you. If not, theres always vodka to soothe the sting.

Aquarius

This weekend is a minefield, Aquarius. There will be events to ignore, people to avoid and friends to help guide through it, and its all falling on you. As an expert planner, youve been training your whole life for this moment. Instead of letting other dictate your course, set up a weekend full of your own fun, exclusive activities. Your friends will be too busy enjoying themselves to realize that theyre low-key in hiding. Reward yourself for all your hard work come Saturday with long, Mimosa-fueled brunch. Go wild with that eggs Benedict, you earned it.


Pisces

This is a weekend for trying new things, Pisces. Were not saying youre in a rut. but things are starting to look a little stale on your end. For the next two days, abandon all your regular spots and broaden your horizons. Try that new coffee shop that opened up by your office. Get wild with a new cuisine you wouldnt usually opt for. Spend your night in a new, unexplored part of town. Caveat: there is a very real possibility that you hate every bit of it. Theres a reason youre stuck in your ways after all. But what if a weekend of discovery leads you to a newfound passion? Its up to you to decide if thats a risk youre willing to take.
 

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